Over the past few weeks I've been noticing a tendency in Jordan that concerns me a bit. It became more obvious last week when we were going to church and we started talking about our different services. She told me that she didn't want to go to the children's church, but would rather stay with me and listen to the pastor preach. Now, this in itself isn't a terrible thing. We didn't have "children's church" when I was growing up so it isn't a necessity. The problem is that I worry that she separates herself from other kids in favor of grownups in general and me in particular. We stopped going to the Wednesday night group because I wasn't getting anything from it and she wasn't really interested in the kids program. She was going to spend the night at the house of a friend in our apartment complex last night, but ended up coming home at midnight (without informing the parents of the girl who stopped by at 2:47 AM to make sure everything was all right) because she couldn't sleep and would rather be home with me.
Is this normal?
Now I love my daughter and I love spending time with her. It's nice to have her next to me at church instead of sitting on my own, and I love that she doesn't hate or avoid me since she's the only person I know well within a 60 mile radius. I just worry that she's not making friends of her own age and maybe relying too much on me. Part of it is our relationship, the only child of a single mom who have lived away from other close family for a majority of her life. It's natural that she should cling to me a bit I guess. I'm just wondering if I need to force her to interact with others when she'd rather just hang with me.
3 comments:
In a few months or maybe a year you'll be glad you were able to spend as much time with her as you did!
Oh Cyndi, That's tough. I've heard it's very common for first-borns and only's to prefer adult interaction over their own peers because that's what they are used to. I think it will all pan out in the end, when her age group and peers are more 'mature' and to her liking. Maybe then, like Drew said, you'll be glad for the time you had and maybe even wishing she'd confide more in you and share with you so much of herself. I don't know, I don't think I would discourage anything with your relationship - like you said you've had each other for all her life. If anything, only encourage the relationships with others, but I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it. Hang in there! Love you!
My theory (borne by a couple dozen moves), is that it takes 18 - 36 months to start to feel at home after a move, even for little kids. My daughter still considered a friend she had in our former state 2 years after we moved. Both of you will take a while to settle in, so give her a while longer to see if she changes her mind about participating at church. If not, you might want to consider requiring her to pick one kid's thing at the church to provide that opportunity to get to know the kids at church. If you do move within the area in a year or two, she may lose her school friends and neighborhood friends, but it would be nice if she still had church friends.
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