Challenges

My job, like most, has its ups and downs, its problems and benefits. One of the challenges that I face is the nature of the speeches that I assign. Students talk about a life-changing moment in their lives and about social or political problems they care about. This leads to some interesting speeches, some funny speeches, and some speeches where students really open up and share their lives. I've had a speech about rape from a girl who told us she was a victim of rape and her son was the product of that assault. I had a boy tell us of a time he accidentally killed another kid at a wrestling match. This semester, I have a student who is speaking on sexual assault which she recently has dealt with. She came to me and told me that she thought that it would be an easy topic for her since it's something she cares about, but, although she tightly controls her emotions, it obviously still bothers her. This is a great thing, but it is also tough for me as sympathizing with others is not one of my strong points. It's hard for me to know what to say and how to help, but I mostly just listen and hope that's enough.
I also, sometimes, have students who tell me about personal problems they are dealing with - usually as a plea for more time or grace on assignments. I've had a student tell me about mental problems he was dealing with (this I couldn't help with, and advised he talk to the counselors). This semester I've had a student talk to me about her relationship issues and confusion about what her life's purpose is. This week I had a student come talk to me because in the last two weeks her husband left her for another woman and left her to pay for an apartment on her own. She is doing school, two jobs, and athletics along with dealing with the pain of this betrayal. Again, I didn't feel like I could do much more than listen to her and offer her my help in the class itself and a friendly and nonjudgmental ear.
One thing I have heard twice in the past week is that many times a person who is going through a tragedy ends up comforting their friends and family. The people come to offer sympathy, but end up expressing their own pain and hurt and the victim feels the need to comfort them and tell them it's all okay. Hopefully, coming to me as a person uninvolved and not emotionally attached to the situation allows them some comfort. All I can say is that I hope I get better at this than I am right now.

Weekend Update with Ms. B

Well, I'm finally done with student meetings and have gotten over the flu that afflicted J and I at the same time. The nieces and nephew are coming over today so I'm sure I can get some more work done - they pretty much entertain each other without any need for me. I have already gotten 1 hour under my belt and hope to get at least 5 more in. I'm watching football, too. I study better with something that can draw my attention when I need a brain break but that won't draw my attention so much that I never get back to work - which is why football is perfect!

Updates

I haven't gotten in any real work on the diss for a while. The students have been taking up most of my time and energy but today was the last student-intensive day so I can get back to it. Also, my adviser wrote to me today. Yeah! We've got a new plan together and so things can get done. So tomorrow I'll teach for half the day and then maybe get work done, but Wednesday is definitely happening.
Also, we head to Sea World for Jordan's b-day on Sunday. She is going to swim with the dolphins for her b-day present and is pretty excited now that it is getting close. Eric and co will meet us there so there will be a "party" as well. She wanted to have a party with a bunch of kids and all that, but I vetoed that plan. I need a break from loud, demanding, needy children!

None Yesterday, None today

It's crazy student meetings week. Once a semester I meet with each and every public speaking student I have to make sure their speeches come out as good as possible. In the last 3 days I have graded about 130 homework assignments and so far had 12 meetings. Then later today I have a meeting with the credentialing body for the university which I have to prepare (?) for.
It's exhausting. I'm exhausted.
On a more positive note, Jordan has been in an excellent mood the last 24 hours. She has been cheerful and helpful and apologetic if she does something wrong. Last night I came out of my room to find her working out in the living room while watching TV. She told me, very cheerfully, that someone at school had called her fat and then someone else suggested she exercise more. I quickly made sure she understood that, while exercising is definitely good, she is definitely not fat. She cheerfully agreed and then on to show me some exercises she invented and asked for tips about others she was trying out. It made me - the slob slouching on the couch watching her - feel a bit guilty and lazy. It did not make me exercise. That's what the morning and afternoon bike rides are for!

2 Hours today

Getting back into it

Hours worked - 2
The current goal is to get something incredible done by the 17th, when my professor returns from her out-of-country trip. I'm feeling inspired people!!!

Weekend Update

Yesterdays hours: 0
Todays hours: .75
Other activities: swimming lessons, farmer's market, culture day downtown, Outback Steakhouse (reward for reading 20 books since school started), Water Polo game (CBU won 10/3), home for pizza and "Annie Get Your Gun."
:)

The Inevitable Emergency

Well, I was about 2 hours into working on the diss when the emergency I was sure wouldn't happen happened. I should have known not to write that - tempting fate and all that... Okay I don't really believe in fate but I'm frustrated beyond all measure.
I may have mentioned previously that my adviser has been unresponsive (no contact for the past 5 months). Well, I sent her some updated chapters today and received an out of office reply stating she won't be back until the 17th.
I decided to be a bit proactive and send the chapters to other people on my committee to see what they thought. As I went through the list of professors at my schools website, I discovered that one of them was missing. I did a google search of his name and discovered he is no longer at the university. No one bothered to tell me that a member of my committee is gone. My adviser didn't bother to tell me she's leaving the country (or anything else for that matter). I had to go to one of my friends to confirm it all.
So now I'm stuck with one member gone, one ignoring me, and two who don't really do the same kinds of things I do.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, Exercise

Yesterday didn't do any work on the diss but I have 5 hours planned out today and barring some unforeseen emergency should get another draft to my adviser today.
On another note, for the past two or so weeks Jordan has been unable to take the bus to school. Now that she's in 4th grade she apparently doesn't need it. So not only does this mean driving her to school, but also means I miss my morning workout 3 of 5 workdays. Since I've only been working out again for about a month, this severely limits my progress. Today that all changed, though.
When I lived in PA I used to bike to school pretty much every day. I didn't consider this a workout since it was transportation and tended to be quicker than driving or taking the bus. When I moved to CA, work is down very steep hills and 7 miles instead of 2 and so biking isn't an option. As a result, the pants are fitting a little more snugly. So, I decided that biking with Jordan to school would be a great option - saves gas, adds exercise for both of us. We have biked places before - church, Baskin Robbins - but right before this change occurred I discovered that our bikes had a combined one flat tire, two disconnected brakes and one faulty brake. So I got help from my brother with one problem and went to the bike shop for the other. The bikes got finished yesterday and today we were off. It was a bit dicy at first - I bought a rack for the back of J's bike to hold her book bag, but getting the adjustment of the bike seat didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Once we got going at 7:42 we had a couple minor incidents, no falls but some skids. We had only one small hill to go up, the hills are on the way back from school. So we made it the 2 miles at 8:06. After getting her situated I returned and got back by 8:22. Admittedly the exercise was much more intense on the return trip, but if I meet her at school for the ride back today that's one hour and 20 minutes of bike riding and about 30 minutes of intense, sweat-producing exercise. Plus I still have time to shower and get to school in the morning in time for my 9:30 classes. Since rain won't be a factor for a couple months :) I'm pretty pleased with the outlook.
Okay, now on to my 5 hours of work...

Update

3 hours yesterday and today is not yet over...

Weekend

Only one hour worked on the dissertation this weekend. Had lots of fun with J, we cleaned the house and decorate for Halloween yesterday. Today we went to church and hung out with her friend. We started going to a wonderful new church last month. It is brand new and still small, but the people there are amazing and friendly and fun. I've had more social activity in the last month and a half than I did the year prior. Jordan loves it, too, and made a new friend. She's been trying to get this friend, Keely, over to our house for a while and today it finally worked out. Jordan and Keely are peas in a pod as they say. They both are hysterical. They are hyper. They love to do crafty things (today they made a house for a wild neighborhood cat, a bird house, and a halloween costume for Kiki). They spent 5-6 hours together today without arguing and fighting. It's so good to see her excited about her days and excited to go to church. Last year she just wanted to hang with me at church, now I barely see her as soon as the car door opens. And I'm fine with that.

Hours Worked on Dissertation - 3

Hours Worked on Dissertation - 0

But on a more positive note, I just got a new phone with more battery life, more accessories, and more classy good looks than my 4 year old phone. And it's now all programmed and ready to go.

Work in Progress

My mother suggested that I update you all daily on how many hours I worked on my dissertation - a way to keep myself accountable. I'm not sure I'm willing to do that, because then it keeps me accountable. It also adds to the guilt factor that's never far from my thoughts. For example, today I didn't have to teach so theoretically had the whole day to work on the paper. Instead, I graded (a positive thing), had a meeting at school in which a crisis occurred which will also take up a majority of my time on Friday (not positive, but a good use of time), spent time with Jordan after school (positive), watched a TV show (not positive), and then tonight I'll watch the finale of America's got talent (I'm rooting for Nuttin but Stringz or Eli whats-his-name) while finishing my grading (half positive, half not).
The thing about working on an extended project of any kind, and the problem with being in school in general, is that you're never done with anything. There is no coming home at the end of the day and forgetting what happened at work, because work leaks into all aspects of your life. When you're a single parent, too (yeah, I had to add that loaded term as a get-out-of-guilt-free card) you have to balance the importance of finishing up the neverending project with just hanging out being goofy. So, I will try for the month of October to keep a running total of hours worked, but I will refuse to allow myself to apologize for hours not worked. I know in my heart whether I have a valid excuse for not working and guilt only ways you down, it doesn't perk you up.
That's the plan, thanks for reading this far if you did, and send positive thoughts and prayers my way... my thesis advisor hasn't talked to me in 5 months so let's hope the work I am doing is not all for nothing.

October 1 - hours worked on dissertation - zero