Emotional Rollercoaster

This week has been a very, very tough one for me. I've had some high highs and some low lows. I've had to make some big decisions and then had to figure out what those decisions really mean. I've had to have some very tough conversations and figure out what to say and what not to say. It's been a struggle throughout the week and while we're on the high side of things right now, there's still the glimpse of the valley and the question of when we'll be back down there again and what will I do when I get there. As the week has gone on, I've realized that each of my New Year's resolutions have an emotional component to them. When I'm sad or angry or frustrated, I like to hide from those emotions. One way I do that is by going shopping. I don't have to face my feelings when I'm looking for things to buy - whether frivolous things or practical things. And the longer I shop (and the more money I spend) the longer I get to put off the feelings. Another way I hide from emotions is through mindless entertainment - sitting on the couch watching TV or playing on the internet. When I'm walking to and from the gym, I have to think (I don't have an Ipod). When I'm numbing my brain, I don't have to think. So, I've worked in continuing my resolutions despite the emotions. I was partially successful. Still not within the budget exactly. Worked out 2 instead of 3 days. Half the week was responsible on the internet. It hasn't been perfect but I'm a work in progress. I'm not giving up yet.