Beauty from Ashes

In the last couple weeks, my husband and I have been communicating on a regular basis. We're talking about business related things - bills to pay, mail to pick up, etc. - but we're also talking about our lives and our feelings. It almost feels like we're dating again, but without the dates. One day when I came back from helping him fix his computer, J was especially angry with everything I said and did. When she said she was sorry (for the 4th or 5th time) she also said she didn't know why she was so upset. I said that I did know - she was upset that I was spending time with him again. She agreed and then said she didn't see how I could forgive him. What a great opportunity to talk about forgiveness. God told us to forgive continually, without end, and even when others do not deserve it. He did this for our benefit, not the benefit of the people who hurt us. That does not mean that we give people free rein to continue to hurt and abuse us however they want to, but it means we let it go. We let go of the need to get back whatever we lost. She told me she didn't want to forgive him, but the next day she came to me and said, "I've forgiven him, mom." It almost made me cry. I know how hard it is to forgive someone when they hurt you, but I also know how much less pain there is once you've done it.
Now I don't know if I'll be able to go back to living with my husband again. I've told him that we need to get counseling together before that happens and he hasn't said anything about it since. I do know, however, that the past year of my life was not a wasted year. I know that God has a plan that we don't always (or often, or ever) see. I also know that the plan He has for us isn't often a nice, warm, comfortable plan. It doesn't usually involve satin sheets and beauty spas (although they are nice bonuses every once in a while). The people of faith in the Bible lived very hard, unsafe lives. They suffered. My pastor from PA once said - and I've remembered it ever since - that Christians often pray something that has no bearing from Scripture. We ask God to keep us safe - safe in our journeys, in our days, in our sleep. But really we should be praying that God keeps us dangerous, because only in our discomfort and insecurity is His glory and plan evident. I have a lot of hope that the pain and discomfort of the past year was not just a footnote of my life which I have to spend the rest of my life getting over. I have hope that this past year has been spent for the purpose of redeeming the life of a lost lamb to his Shepherd. I have hope that if I seek what God wants me to do and keep moving forward with His goals in mind, His work will be done in my husband's life.